Stop buying pre made salsa.  It can’t get any easier than this.  If you say you aren’t a good cook and you everything you touch you burn.  Perfect!  The more you burn this the better it will be.

3 tomatoes

3 green chiles (jalapeño or chile serrano)

1/4 small red onion

Salt

Water

Burn it all on the open flame of your stove.  No pots, no pans.  Just char it.  Let it cool, then put it all in blender and go!  Add salt to taste and thin out mix with water.